Ok-so I have to admit that I thought I was a bad ass because a couple of days after a double mastectomy I was galavanting around with little to no pain. Well it turns out that even I can be stopped when they crack your ribs and cut a foot long slice down your back and insert a 1" tube out of your lower back...can we say vicodine!!
Oh my G, I have never experienced such searing pain as when you twist wrong with a broken rib. Every motion from getting up, sitting down, sleeping, sitting, etc. is uncomfortable. Not to mention that I have not been able to use my arms for going on three weeks now so that even holding a glass of water becomes a task now and the simplest movement becomes exhausting. I am already reminiscing about when I thought it was such a great accomplishment to get a work out in after work-do you know what my major accomplishment yesterday was? I actually made it down and up my flight of stairs for the first time since I got back from the hospital. But of course I was completely out of breath and in excruciating pain-who knew that walking upstairs took back muscles?
I have to admit that as debilitating as the last few weeks have been, that my enthusiasm for kicking cancers ass is waning given what I have gone through and technically haven't even started treatment yet. In the past I have always used my strength to get me through horribly difficult times, but how do I beat something when I hardly have the strength to exist? Let alone prepare for my first chemotherapy, which will be this Friday. My oncologists admits that she does not expect me to be out of pain but evidently I should still be ok to handle the nausea, constipation, and heart palpitations even though I currently can't take a deep breath without excruciating pain.
So now I am just focusing on the baby steps...yesterday I made it downstairs, today I got a full shower in for the first time in weeks, and tomorrow...I'll conquer the world after I muster the strength to get out of bed without help!!
5 comments:
You can do this, Linsday!!! When the mighty fall, they fall hard, but you can get through it ... find your balance so you can push yourself to stay moving and heal faster, but without pushing yourself too hard. I can only imagine what you are going through and guess that 'baby steps' is exactly what you need to do to get through this ... some days will be better than others, and you take them as they come. I think maybe how you kick cancer's @ss in this next phase is by taking care of your mind and spirit as best you can ... it's chemo's turn to do the actual kicking now to run cancer out of town. Your body is taking a beating during the fight, but needs YOU to keep picking yourself up when you get knocked down. Rest up when you can, but keep getting up.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know what you're feeling. I am sending you my best thoughts and I think of you daily.
YES, YOU CAN DO THIS!
Been there, done that, got all of the pink hats 'n t-shirts to prove it.
It's hell, but you can do this. Take a bear with you to chemo, wear stilettos, wear your tartiest outfit - I know you will have a few of those ;-). YOU are in control. It sucks, but don't forget that.
Be sure you have some one to look after you this weekend. But do not feel in any way obliged to entertain. Do what you have to do. Be sure someone fixes you a big juicy steak.
I do not know what what your cocktail is. They should be giving you something for nausea. Ms Mary Jane can also help.
Let me know. KSC@!!!
XOXOXO
Susan
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. As tough as this is, you will get through it and we will all be there to give you the strength. Keep the faith baby!
Alicia
Keep going! Baby steps are an accomplishment. Steps closer to your your recovery.
Take care,
Denise
Baby steps...it's all about baby steps! I can only imagine what you're going through but I know key is keepng your mind in a more positive place. Yeah it's damn hard to due cuz all we can think about is what is right in front of us. But I KNOW it works cuz I've had to do it! Take your mind to a place that is comforting and peaceful. Think "happy thoughts." :) I know you can get through this. One little victory at a time!
:)
Stephanie G. (PCR)
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