Saturday, August 23, 2008

Glowing tits

So I am officially two weeks into my six weeks of radiation and I am EXHAUSTED! While radiation does not have the same side effects of chemotherapy, radiation does induce a state of constant exhaustion. Currently, my Monday through Friday schedule includes going to my radiation appointment at 8:15 a.m. and "driving" home trying to keep my eyes open until I make it back to my bed where I will sleep until noon. For some reason this schedule is hitting me harder than the chemotherapy because at least then I had a two week break. This constant exhaustion and treatment every day has little miss "Errand Girl" feeling like I am sleep walking through life.

All of the cancer preparedness books that I read indicated that the closer you get to finishing your treatment, the more depressed you get at trying to figure out what a "normal" life is going to be like after everything you've been through. I wonder when I will feel feminine again having lost my hair, natural breasts, and gained weight. I lament the loss of relationships that have occurred because people couldn't handle "my cancer" and the year of my life that I have spent on this couch instead of living.

4 comments:

Joanna said...

I have been thinking about you a lot lately and was glad to hear your voice on my voicemail! I hope that you feel better soon. I know that I am hard to get a hold of but try calling when you are feeling up to it. I miss you!

Love,

JO

Marilyn said...

Oh, darling Lindsay, you are probably sick of hearing that you need to just "hang on," and you will get through this, but it's the best I can offer. I am constantly amazed at your strength, humor, and ability to express honestly what you are going through. That we could all hope to manage something so tramatic as gracefully as you are. As I go through every day, I think of you and have a different prospective, more positive. I am truly humbled by your journey through the dreadful "C" and the way you are handling it. This will all be behind you at some point and you will have a new and wonderful "normal" life, chosen by you, regaining the things you love to do, but still reflecting the past year and its struggles. We all love you and wish you the best... Marilyn and the rest of the Leuszler clan.

Gillian in Va Beach said...

Better look out with post titles like "Glowing Tits," dude. You're gonna attract the wrong kinda crowd to your blog! Meanwhile, you are twice as far into the radiation treatment as you were when you last posted, so that makes you officially in the home stretch! I hope I'll get to see you next time you're in VA and finally back at the wheel of your own life!

Denise said...

Hugs and love darling. I have some stuff I need to drop in the mail for you; hopefully it'll bring you some laughs. I owe you a few calls. Sorry for my slackerness.