I am done...really!!

So honestly, as of last week, I didn't think I was going to make it...thankfully Brooke came and kicked my ass to keep on moving and get through that last week. And finally, here I am, officially done with my cancer treatment. As soon as I walked out of that last radiation treatment this morning, I felt so light that the weight of the treatment is over!! I am looking forward to getting back to my life...or even having a life again!! Even though I still don't have enough energy to stay conscious for more than a few hours, I feel as if I can concur the world. And in order to ensure that I will be physically strong enough for world domination, Brooke and I have agreed to sign up for a mini-triathlon next September. I look forward to being able to say I completed a triathlon one year after I completed my cancer treatment. ROCK ON!!

Wicked

So the last week of radiation has been especially brutal and therefore, looking forward to my last three treatments next week! I have literally had just enough energy to move from my bed to the couch. Thankfully, with Brooke here though, the house is staying relatively clean and the cats are staying very well fed :) In addition, Brooke did get me motivated to leave the sanctuary of my enclave by bribing me with tickets to Wicked. I have to admit that it felt good to have an excuse to take a shower and get cleaned up along with getting a little blinged out. As you can see, I got to wear my rhinestones which matched my "ruby" slippers!! While the two and a half hour drive made us a little nervous that we were going to make it, the show was well worth the drive and had us all cheering for Alphaba singing isn't it good to be green.

Sister to the rescue...again

So I acquiesced and called my sister today to see if she could come out early...the exhaustion has gotten to the point where I can no longer take care of myself and it's so hard to admit defeat. But the truth is that today I barely even had the energy to make my weekly homage to the Iron Mule (the local dive bar that I have visited every Monday for years). That was even after I slept to almost 2 p.m. Even the smallest of errands, such as going to the bank, cleaning the cat box, folding the laundry has required more energy than I presently have. I actually almost ran out of gas today because even stopping for gas has become a chore. So I actually stopped on my way back from radiation, in my pajamas because there is no way I have the energy to change out of my pjs at 7:30 a.m. And I have to admit that I was so tired I didn't care who saw me in my pajamas, with a bald head, and a burned chest.

But now with Brooke coming, I am looking forward to eating something other than Lean Cuisines-hint, hint, wink, wink, Brooke you are going to have to cook :) I am sure the cats will be happier with a clean litter box...and maybe, just maybe, if Brooke is the most amazing sister that I know she is, my car will actually get washed. Of course I don't want to be too hopeful!

Glowing tits

So I am officially two weeks into my six weeks of radiation and I am EXHAUSTED! While radiation does not have the same side effects of chemotherapy, radiation does induce a state of constant exhaustion. Currently, my Monday through Friday schedule includes going to my radiation appointment at 8:15 a.m. and "driving" home trying to keep my eyes open until I make it back to my bed where I will sleep until noon. For some reason this schedule is hitting me harder than the chemotherapy because at least then I had a two week break. This constant exhaustion and treatment every day has little miss "Errand Girl" feeling like I am sleep walking through life.

All of the cancer preparedness books that I read indicated that the closer you get to finishing your treatment, the more depressed you get at trying to figure out what a "normal" life is going to be like after everything you've been through. I wonder when I will feel feminine again having lost my hair, natural breasts, and gained weight. I lament the loss of relationships that have occurred because people couldn't handle "my cancer" and the year of my life that I have spent on this couch instead of living.

It's been crazy!!

The last two weeks have been quite a whirlwind. On the 22nd, Brooke and I headed out on our cross country adventure. While there are a million stories to tell, honestly the majority of them were moments where you just had to be there. Such as when I drank a little too much caffeine one day and entertained Brooke by doing my infamous Beavis impersonation screaming to the horrible driver next to us, "I need t.p. for my bunghole!!" Needless to say, spending eight to 16 hours a day in a car left us more than a little slap happy...at times, Brooke and I couldn't even look at each other without busting up :)

The road trip also allowed us to visit some family. We got to stop at Dotsero in Colorado to visit Uncle Hank and have dinner at "The Club" (a.k.a., a wrangler ranch where the meals are cooked by whomever is there that day and you have to bring your own beer). After we got to Virginia, we then flew up to Boston to watch Mike defend his Ph.D. thesis at MIT. While that was an hour and a half of my life that I will never get back since I got lost when he read his title, I was honestly so glad to be there to support Mike since he has been so gracious and supportive by letting me steal his wife for the last six months. After celebrating Mike's accomplishment, we headed to Amherst to visit the ol' COB or in other words, Harry Vernell. True to form, grandpa was charming as always in his politically incorrect way.

Alas, after nine crazy days, I flew back to the O.C. to tackle my next round of doctor appointments in preparation for my radiation treatment. I have had body scans, my left breast measured a million different ways, and I now have stickers all over my chest and stomach, which will be replaced with tattoos on Monday. I never would have figured when I got my first tattoo this year, that by the end of the year I would have a total of 11 tattoos. In between the doctor appointments I have been trying to work out as much as possible in order to be as strong for the next round of treatments and also get rid of the obligatory weight gain associated with the medications I am on...the doctor says I am lucky because most people gain 30 pounds yet even eight pounds has me self conscious and that much more motivated to keep up my walking!!

On the road again...

So tomorrow morning Brooke and I are headed out to go check out the world's biggest ball of yarn, Paul Bunyon and his blue ox, and gorge on grilled cheese sandwiches. In the meantime, Brooke and I celebrated our birthday with amazing friends and the llama (a.k.a. SUV stretched limo that seats 20 people complete with lava lamps and disco ball). It was an amazing night filled with tons of laughter, drinking, and dancing.

Having such a wonderful birthday with my friends and family (even Mike, Brooke's husband made it out!!) and now headed out on such an adventure has renewed my spirits and got me anxious to just finish out the rest of my treatment.

So close yet so far away

So I got the official word that I am also to undergo radiation treatment...my hopes of this whole ordeal being over in a few more weeks is over. I wouldn't be so devastated if they had told me from the beginning that I would also have to do radiation but to find out when I thought I was only six weeks away from total recovery has honestly left me numb. I thought the physical and emotional toll of this ordeal would be complete by now and now I have to come up with more strength-where will it come from?

I will have a bit of a respit before I start radiation though. I won't start radiation until August 4th, so I will still get to enjoy Brooke's and my birthday-which will regardless, be one hell of a party!! Then Brooke and I will road trip across the country so that I will have time to hang out in Virginia before starting the next round of treatment. We can't wait to find the world's biggest ball of yarn, stop by Paul Bunyon and his blue ox, and gorge on grilled cheese sandwiches so that we can write the authoritative book.

I have always joked that my life is all about damage control-I guess its no longer a joke.