Ok-so I have to admit that I thought I was a bad ass because a couple of days after a double mastectomy I was galavanting around with little to no pain. Well it turns out that even I can be stopped when they crack your ribs and cut a foot long slice down your back and insert a 1" tube out of your lower back...can we say vicodine!!
Oh my G, I have never experienced such searing pain as when you twist wrong with a broken rib. Every motion from getting up, sitting down, sleeping, sitting, etc. is uncomfortable. Not to mention that I have not been able to use my arms for going on three weeks now so that even holding a glass of water becomes a task now and the simplest movement becomes exhausting. I am already reminiscing about when I thought it was such a great accomplishment to get a work out in after work-do you know what my major accomplishment yesterday was? I actually made it down and up my flight of stairs for the first time since I got back from the hospital. But of course I was completely out of breath and in excruciating pain-who knew that walking upstairs took back muscles?
I have to admit that as debilitating as the last few weeks have been, that my enthusiasm for kicking cancers ass is waning given what I have gone through and technically haven't even started treatment yet. In the past I have always used my strength to get me through horribly difficult times, but how do I beat something when I hardly have the strength to exist? Let alone prepare for my first chemotherapy, which will be this Friday. My oncologists admits that she does not expect me to be out of pain but evidently I should still be ok to handle the nausea, constipation, and heart palpitations even though I currently can't take a deep breath without excruciating pain.
So now I am just focusing on the baby steps...yesterday I made it downstairs, today I got a full shower in for the first time in weeks, and tomorrow...I'll conquer the world after I muster the strength to get out of bed without help!!